If im only by myself, and myself only
I might not feel this way..

There are things...that you just can't change
theres a limit to everyone's abilities..
and to me...those limits are just too low in my circumstances

I thought I am already passed this phase
but guess not..
I am who I am..I can't change that
I'd love to better myself in ways that might take a lot of works
but I don't care
cuz the "now-me" is just simply not good enough

There's always someone better
and in my family, yes..
I'm always not good enough

Always..and I mean always
When I felt I am getting the hang of things
there is always something going wrong
not in a bad way, of course, to the situiation
but to me...
It just make me feel...both sad and happy in a way
happy cuz yes he's bettering himself
sad cuz...yes, I am once again under his abilities

If I am by myself
my name is always Tom
but then...thing comes and relates to it
then my name becomes as related to him

No matter how hard I try
no matter how willingly suffered I have committed
its always not enough
I am always not enough

It's unfair but I embrace the fact
The fact that I am always gonna be lower than him
always going to be under his sights
But I do still wish him well
wish him the best for he could ever got

Why I always put myself in a aiding position?
I don't know..
There are advantages and disadvantages
But I am too scared to weight them
cuz I know..if I know the fact
and if there one chance of it being unworthy of my tires
I might become lost
and heavenly God
I do not want to try the taste of Lost ever again
Though it is in my daily diet
but its enough, if not too much

Hope one day I will
get a piece of my own sky
to which where I can free myself of all burdens
and do my best, try my best
releasing all that I wanna to say and to do
and be Proud of Myself

Hope that there's one day
that I will not be as named in relation with someone else
but ME, as an independent individual
Me, as myself
me, as Ting Han Yu



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